God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

So many things to think and say. I'll just say a little. We picked the boys up today and they were both upset leaving Joan's. It was apparent that they understood that they wouldn't be going back to stay. (Thank you to Bliss for asking the question -"is today when you get the boys for one day at a time?" Yes, we don't have to take forever all at once, we can thankfully take it one day at a time.)





We then took them to meet with their mom and they were still upset. Mostly they were upset because they were soooooo tired. Try explaining to mom though that "they were like this when we got them". We got to entertain the boys and get them to calm down a little while their mom talked to the case workers. So once she was ready they were in a better frame of mind. Sounds like mom has had a set back and the case worker is talking to us about shared parenting. (which basically is involving mom as much as possible so she feels involved in their lives)





Since the boys had such a rough day we thought we'd just bring them home have some dinner and let them unpack their toys. Santa had left them quite a bit at Joan's and we were glad that he hadn't left them more here. We figured we'd wait to open presents till tomorrow maybe.....



Well, you can see how that turned out. I had to stop snapping pictures because Isaiah was opening everything in sight. Sam was happy to open one thing and play with it. Brad unpacked the car (Joan said, "I thought you had a van" I wish, once I saw all the things that she sent with the boys including sleds they got for Christmas.) I put some of their clothes away and Isaiah and Sam played pretty contently for a large part of the time Brad was gone to get groceries.

At one point tonight I thought that "if it is like this more times then not we will all be just fine." Because of the transition we let the boys just kind of act out a bit just to get their bearings and did finally, right before bed, have to do a time out with Isaiah. Isaiah was acting out a lot the last handful of days with Joan so we want to let him understand that we still have rules, but it is ok to be upset. Sam of course doesn't really get it but does know when Isaiah is upset and then he's upset.

So now the boys are in bed the living room is sort of picked up and Brad is on the floor putting together a toy with a hundred parts the boys got from Joan. Not quite the 1st Christmas with kids that we envisioned the last number of years. But I think there will be visions of sugarplums dancing tonight.

A very Happy New Year to you, and thank you for your prayers and support - Brad, Kodi, Isaiah, and Sam

On the Precipice

I learned this past weekend a very important lesson. When sitting in the front seat of the car and you hear the word yuck, followed by "here" do not automatically stick your hand behind you to receive blindly whatever is being offered to you. Sam was eating some fruit gummy bears and one most have tasted like grape because I got a handful of sticky wet gummy bears and no where to put them. I just started laughing because, really what was I thinking! Why he stuck all of them in his mouth at once I'm not sure but he definitely didn't like them.

Brad and I have really been thinking about the whole change that is getting ready to happen. We stand at the precipice of two very different lives. We clearly see the quite married life that we have come to enjoy and relish, and we see the life of a family of four. The family life is what we've wanted for so long, but we feel really comfortable with just the two of us. When the boys are around there is no us, there is just noise, energy and unrest. When we think about the boys here we are excited to help them, but we have to just trust that the acting out and disquiet won't be a permanent way of life. It would almost be easier if we hadn't had such a quiet, wonderful, and fulfilling life as a married couple. It's hard to describe how difficult this whole process has immediately become. We find that we are in mourning for the loss of so much, from freedom, to quiet, to not getting to start from scratch (child birth and blank slates). We have to come to the point where we are fine with all of the chaos that accompanies the boys, their past, the unknown, the acting out and the unbalanced parents.

Please pray for us these next two weeks. We are reaching out to people that can be good resources for us and trying to learn as much as we can about developmental delays caused by neglect. Brad is concerned about the change and my concern is are we really ready to do this and invest all of this change in our lives for two boys that we might not get to see grow up. But I guess that is the life of a parent, there are no guarantees and a whole lot of unknowns. I do appreciate the fact that I now know not to reach for the unknown if it's preceded by "yuck" and "here".

Everything is Sticky

So one weekend with the boys and everything is sticky! What is it about little boys that makes even surfaces they were no where near sticky. How is that possible?

Anyway, 1st weekend was a little rocky. They are really testing us and that was no fun. Saturday night after they were both in bed Brad and I talked and looked at each other and wondered what we go ourselves into. We were recaping the day and decided there most be something rewarding about parenthood otherwise the world would be full of people with only one child. There must be something to it that people would want to have more than one! I was scared that things would always be as crazy as they were on Saturday. Luckily Sunday went better, a little better. Overall, we set some good boundries and reinforced some rules.

Thursday we met their mom and that was interesting. She really wants the boys back and is working really hard to make that happen. The way I see things, she will have to move several mountains to make it happen, however, either way it is going to be a long process. After we met their mom they had a visit with her and we picked them up after. That was the 1st time we did that- it was very hard for all of us. The boys were wound up because of the sugary snacks she brought for them and the lack of structure. We finally got them to settle down and after we took them to a very fun place for dinner and Brad went to work and I had the kids overnight by myself, things went fairly well.

Tonight I picked the boys up after school and survived actually unloading groceries from the car, feeding them, making a Partylite call and getting them to bed all while Brad was at work. Really felt like a big accomplishment but I have a new respect for single parents, I don't know how they keep it together as much as the do. But why oh why is everything sticky?

No Honeymoon

When we were in classes for foster parenting we were told about a honeymoon period. We were warned that many times when children come into your home they will be very good. Some will even do things to please you (help wash dishes, help fold clothes, make their beds etc.) Then after that time there is a mourning period and a lot of acting out.

Joan asked us tonight if the boys have been testing us. When Brad said, "Oh, yes." She said good! Brad was about to tell her how mean she was and she explained that it probably means that we won't have a honeymoon period. She said that she didn't have a honeymoon period with them. So sounds like right out of the box we'll have our work cut out for us.

We had the boys today and had a lot of fun. Brad and I were a little worn out from the weekend but were very glad to see the boys. They both acted out quite a bit at first and we took them out to a different resturaunt than they've been to before and felt like maybe we bit off more than we could chew. After that we brought them home and played.

Sam loves the race track and Isaiah took to coloring while watching a movie. Sam was very tired and I think is young enough that he could and maybe should be taking a nap in the afternoons. We're really hoping to have the boys sooner than later because this is getting frustrating. I hope that we don't have to go thru this ebb and flow with their attitudes. We will meet there mom soon and Joan will be talking to Isaiah in the next couple of weeks about living with us. Please pray for these two events that they will go well. I know that the Lord will make these transitions what they should be and is already in the situation.

2nd Saturday

(I took some adequate pictures and the camera disk pooped out on me- sorry)

We had a great time Saturday. I went shopping at Toys r Us Friday night and picked up some toys. My criteria, based on what the boys were attracted to Tuesday at the store whatever it was had to make noise. So 2 hours after wandering around the store I left with 4 pretty good choices.

Saturday we picked up the boys and brought them to our house. Sam was interested in Bowtie at first and petted him and laughed. It was wonderful. Isaiah was more interested in exploring and because Bowtie wasn't interested in entertaining the boys he wandered off and they forgot about him pretty quickly. We showed them the toys and the one I bought was a Tonka race track for little kids. It had 2 soft cars and when you press the button the track goes around, pretty fast, and it makes noises. The boys played with that most of the night. What a hit!

I also bought one leap pad book system and a word whammer by leap frog. They are both educational and will, hopefully, promote language growth, reading and spelling. We found out that the boys are typical in their limits to sharing. Sam got very upset and did not want to share with Isaiah on one of the books and as we were sitting on the floor he had an honest to goodness tantrum. It was exacerbated by the fact that he can't communicate his feelings. One of the things Sam does to compensate is he'll point to things that bother him. For instance he'll "hurt" his finger point to it for a kiss. Then he'll point to his head or arm or whatever for more kisses and attention. When he started his first tantrum for the evening he started crying crocodile tears and pointed to his eye as if to say 'see how upset I am, do you see that you're making me cry'. We rode it out and had he 3 tantrums of varying degrees all evening. Overall things went pretty smoothly.

Isaiah was very sweet to Sam. They wanted to watch Finding Nemo and Isaiah carried the race track into the living room for Sam so we could all watch the movie. It was too sweet and then once later in the evening Sam was upset (not at Isaiah this time) and Isaiah went over and hugged Sam to make him feel better.

Isaiah found a couple of balls in Bowties stuff and started rolling them and throwing them. I had him aim at the front door and he did that for 20 minutes or so and started to even work up a sweat. So they both like very typical boy things. I think I might try to find one of those nerf basketball hoops to hang on the back of the front door.

When it was time to leave all went well. But once we got to Joan's house things were a little chaotic and the boys seemed to not want us to leave. That was hard. It is also hard to believe that we just saw them yesterday. I can't wait to see them again. We meet this week with their case worker and then again with them on Tuesday. We're working every day towards getting ready for them. I'm getting paperwork together to get them enrolled in school, which is a challenge seeing that I don't even know their complete names but we'll get it all squared away.

Please pray for the transition. We think it will be especially hard on Isaiah as he feels pretty comfortable where he is now. We are looking forward to having them here full time so that we can work on the language thing and helping them with just being kids.

Met the Boys Finally!

This week has been such a treat. Please forgive the limited pictures and weird placement of the pictures. It turns out the best picture of the bunch is the one Isaiah took of Sam raking leaves.
So here we are with the boys on Saturday.

Right now they live across from a large savannah type area with a pond and lots of rocks to walk over. So on Saturday we went for a walk and threw rocks in the pond (it's a boy thing). Of course everyone wanted to have boulders to throw no small pebbles for this crew.

When we met the boys on Wens. they had just gotten home from school and met us and our 2 social workers. Isaiah had light up shoes on and loved to show everyone how they lit when he jumped on one foot then the other. He was such a bouncing ball of energy. Brad was sitting by the toy box and Sam pulled out every toy from the box and loved hearing Brad talk to him about them. Sam is very delayed emotionally and doesn't speak. He seems to have his own language and trys to communicate but there is a lot of work ahead.



Saturday when we visited the boys were outside with Joan playing on the swing. In the picture on the right Isaiah is trying to talk me into letting him take pictures. When I did let him take a few (the one on the left) I realized he has quite a talent!

The best part about Saturday was when we got there both boys seemed happy to see us and after Sam "said hello" to Brad he ran over to me and gave me a big hug. Before we left I asked Isaiah if he'd like to give me a hug goodbye (he did) and Sam started to cry as we walked away. Broke our hearts but we have to remind ourselves that it's just as much and age thing for Sammy as it is a connection thing.

We'll meet with the boys several more times before any move happens and by January they will be here full time. There is still sooooo much we don't know about their situation. We are planning to be a concurrent (long term) home for the boys. The biggest thing to keep in mind is that whatever happens in the long term someone will be heartbroken. At our last training meeting with Dawn we heard from a dad that adopted 2 boys thru the foster care system and he said that watching a birth mother have her parental rights terminated is the hardest thing to witness. She was broken and hurt. We haven't met, and don't know much about the boys mom, but I'm sure that having parental rights terminated at any point will be crushing.

On the other hand, if the county is able to find a relative, or parent to take the boys then we'll be heartbroken. As much as we believe that the boys should be with loving, caring, safe relatives if at all possible it would be tough to say goodbye. So we have to love, and care for them unconditionally while they are with us and give them childhood experiences that they remember. Knowing every step of the way that we may not be their forever home.

For now we look forward to the next meeting (Tuesday) and the next step in this new and exciting process.

Thanks for the prayers and hopefully I'll get some better pictures to share. For now though feel free to email me and tell me how cute they are. I know!! So Cute!!

Excitanxsiopated

Excitanxsiopated- is a word Brad and I have created to describe the waiting process. We've combined excited, anxious, anticipating, frustrated all together because there was no one word that said it all.

It truly is a process to wait. Your emotions go thru so much. We actually had talked at the end of our last meeting with the consultant about 2 children that may need placement. But we have to wait to get more information, see a picture, and possibly meet them. So we've been waiting (me not so patiently) to get any more information.

It's been a week and I finally got a call from Jessie, our consultant in training, with 5 different dates that work for them so we can all go and meet with the current foster mother and even meet the kids. The dates ranged from Friday (in two days) to Friday in two weeks. Jessie called the foster mother and the best date that works for her? of course next Wens. Everything is happening in one week increments, which at least it's not 2 weeks but arghhhhh!! (Excitanxsiopated -can't describe it any better.)

There is supposed to be a file that we can look at but no one can locate it. They are redoing it as I type this and will let me know when it's available to view. I'm trying to convince myself that next week is fine and there is plenty to keep me busy between now and then. We know very little about the kids and what we do know just leads to more excitanxsiopation so I won't even bother adding that tiny info here. What we do know about the kids is that we'll want to find at least some connection on Wens. or we will ask to move on to the next kids needing placement. So in the interest of not dashing hopes and sparing everyone else into going into excitanxsionpating arrest, I'll just ask that you pray for us between now and next Wens. that the Lord would give us clarity and wisdom. Also, please pray that I don't get fatally attacked by the excitanxsiopated monster.

Worst words-It Depends

It depends-is the answer to about every question we can possibly have. Will we get a call soon, will he be in 3rd grade, will he need driven to school, will we have to work with both birth parents, will he have a brother- the answer we get- "it depends".

So at that we go forward with what we do know. The individual meetings were a lot easier than we expected. They each lasted about 2 hours and then tonight we had our last official worksheet meeting. We each filled out a worksheet and then took turns to go over the information with Chris separately without the other person in the room.

We may need to meet with her one more time but the house is ready. She'll work on our report this week and we'll get a call next week and most likely be officially licensed by November 2nd. Which means that we'll be available for calls very soon.

At the last meeting I had alone with Chris she and I decided to extend our age groups to include 0-12. Brad was a little surprised but we talked about it and he agreed that as long as we could find child care that it shouldn't be a problem. Chris reminded me that day care can be very good for these kids because the children can socialize and have lots of structure which can in turn help them grow into themselves better.

At the end of this evenings meeting Chris asked Brad and I again if we'd be ok with 2 kids at a time. We said yes and she said she would look for a good fit for us. We decided that any addition would be such a change to what we have now that 2 kids wouldn't be exponentially that much more different. We are expecting that our 1st few placements will be short term (how long? It depends). Chris did intimate that she has been looking for good fits and we may get a call soon.

If we get an emergency call (and it depends on the situation) than we have the opportunity to turn down the placement. If we take the placement the child could be with in as soon as an hour. If we take a placement with children that are already in the system then we can ease into it a little. Possibly visit with them at their current foster home and spend time with them and then take them for little excursions before they spend the night with us. It sounds like a great way to ease into things but at some point we just need to jump in with both feet.

We've been looking at activities that school age kids would enjoy and are ready to get things under way. It just seems like all there is left to do is wait.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement and we look forward to telling you more. Hopefully soon but you know......it depends.

One more meeting left

We attended the 3rd of 4 meetings last night. The meetings are eye opening and yet leave a sense of what will our situation look like. The main feeling we get is every situation is different, how you can create a class for 14 people and talk about any type of focus when everything is different depending on the child, the placement and the birth family- well it's a challenge. Our instructor is very open and honest and does her best.

Last night we talked about discipline, teams of people that are involved in each childs lives, and some great options available to older (15+) children in the system, including college assistance. When we met with our foster consultant yesterdaybefore the class I was left a little disappointed. I knew it was a home inspection, I guess when you throw in a word like inspection I'm prepared for something very thorough. Instead it felt more like a "we just wanted to make sure you live indoors" type of thing. So, of course, I stayed up LATE Tuesday night preparing the apartment and then was left deflated when the only comments we got were just simple make sure you lock up medicines, and have working smoke detectors. Maybe we looked so ready that there wasn't much left to say.

Our FPC (foster parent consultant) did ask a few questions and it was more just a get to know you type of thing. They are saying it could be 6-8 more weeks before we have a placement. She was happy to hear that we were indeed interested in a school age boy (which there are many in the system) and she asked how many. We looked at each other and said two, well you could have knocked me over with a feather when we said that. As the words are coming out of my mouth I'm trying to fathom 2 boys- YIKES! BOYS- I mean, what do they like, where do the like to go for fun, what is the Barbie equivalent for boys? Lots to learn.

Chris our FPC is really interested in a good fit. For the boys she works with she is really looking for forever homes, these kids have usually been in the system for awhile and parents rights will most likely be terminated (by force or voluntarily). So we meet for our individual meetings next week and then have maybe one more look at the home, if neccesary. A placement could happen faster if she finds a good fit. For now we wait and finish our last class next week.

As far as the bedroom is concerned we need to hang the curtains and take down the breakables and anchor the book case. Chris encouraged us to wait to purchase additional decorations, etc till we have a placement so that we can include him in the decisions. Makes sense, and was actually what we were thinking too. We may need to buy a bunk bed if we get two kids. Mostly though we need to go thru the last of the boxes in our bedroom, switch out clothes to winter clothes and store the rest then the apartment is basically ready.

So what do you think about that? Possibly 2 boys and she was curious if we were planning on staying in the apartment much longer. Who knows, maybe she already has some children in mind and maybe it's a larger group of siblings that are in need of us. We just keep the faith and know that the Lord is in this situation.

Met with Licensing Consultant at our home

Today we met with a social worker today in our home to do the inspection of our appt. in preparation for becoming licensed foster parents.

The visit lasted about an hour and was a look around with some suggestions about keeping a fire extinguisher handy around the kitchen. Keeping all medications, including vitamins actually locked up (something we had not thought about).

She did not ask us a lot of questions this time. We each have individual appts set up with her next week. That is where the intimate questions about every part of our lives will be asked. They want to get find out as much about us as they can...then a report about our lives/personality will be generated for our file. They really are comitted to finding the right "fit" for our home. To get a child that will easily fit into our home and lifestyle and also that we as parents will have an easy transition.

They are commited to being a resource to answer our questions and provide assistence if needed. -Brad

"Read-ing" up the house

Brad has a word that we love to use from time to time. The word is read (as in a I read a book yesterday) however, in this case it means to prepare. So we are read-ing up the apartment for our 1st visit with our foster care consultant. She will be doing a general inspection of the place to see what we need to do in preparation for a child.



We have been working this last weekend and Brad last week, to empty the office to make it a livable second bedroom. I sit right now and write to you from the computer that is now in the living room. Brad had a great idea to put a sofa table behind the couch where the computer is to function as a work space and to put files and things under. I agreed that this was a good idea and set out yesterday to find an affordable option. No option presented itself but I did have an idea to create something out of the two small bookcases that we already had. So we have a space behind the couch that is more and more turning into a workable arrangement.



The second bedroom is looking more promising but I have my work cut out for me tonight. Our hope is that Kris will come tomorrow and be impressed with how ready we are physically for a child. Of course that is the people pleasers in us wanting to impress and I'm sure that she will have a handful (or more) things that we will still need to be do in preparation.



Brad and I had a long conversation Sunday about the whole idea. We are very excited but realize that a child will change our lives more than we imagine. And that a foster child will change our lives even more than that.



So Wednesday at 3pm we will be meeting in our home for over an hour and fill out more paperwork, answer more questions and have everything inspected. Here's hoping that all goes well, and we know that the Lord is in this already so we can go forward with confidance.



ps. Brad does have his interview today and is feeling like he may recover from his sinus infection. Lots of excitement here. We'll keep you posted.

2nd Class

Last night we had our second foster parenting class. It was very informative. We are in a small class, one couple already has a foster child, one lady has done foster parenting before but it has been awhile so the feedback in the room is very good.

We got all of our "homework" mailed in last week and now have a Foster Care Consultant assigned to us. The next step is a phone call to set up a home visit. Then more paperwork. We are very excited and Brad is ready to have everything in the apartment ready for a child so this weekend will be busy with storage and moving furniture around.

I started this blog as a way to keep everyone posted. If you have questions or comments please feel free to let us know. As we go along there will be things about specific situations we won't be able to share but I know that the joys and frustrations will be full of there own bits of "safe" information. Thank you for your continued support and prayers.

ps. I'm still figuring out how to use this blog so bear with me.