God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

So many things to think and say. I'll just say a little. We picked the boys up today and they were both upset leaving Joan's. It was apparent that they understood that they wouldn't be going back to stay. (Thank you to Bliss for asking the question -"is today when you get the boys for one day at a time?" Yes, we don't have to take forever all at once, we can thankfully take it one day at a time.)





We then took them to meet with their mom and they were still upset. Mostly they were upset because they were soooooo tired. Try explaining to mom though that "they were like this when we got them". We got to entertain the boys and get them to calm down a little while their mom talked to the case workers. So once she was ready they were in a better frame of mind. Sounds like mom has had a set back and the case worker is talking to us about shared parenting. (which basically is involving mom as much as possible so she feels involved in their lives)





Since the boys had such a rough day we thought we'd just bring them home have some dinner and let them unpack their toys. Santa had left them quite a bit at Joan's and we were glad that he hadn't left them more here. We figured we'd wait to open presents till tomorrow maybe.....



Well, you can see how that turned out. I had to stop snapping pictures because Isaiah was opening everything in sight. Sam was happy to open one thing and play with it. Brad unpacked the car (Joan said, "I thought you had a van" I wish, once I saw all the things that she sent with the boys including sleds they got for Christmas.) I put some of their clothes away and Isaiah and Sam played pretty contently for a large part of the time Brad was gone to get groceries.

At one point tonight I thought that "if it is like this more times then not we will all be just fine." Because of the transition we let the boys just kind of act out a bit just to get their bearings and did finally, right before bed, have to do a time out with Isaiah. Isaiah was acting out a lot the last handful of days with Joan so we want to let him understand that we still have rules, but it is ok to be upset. Sam of course doesn't really get it but does know when Isaiah is upset and then he's upset.

So now the boys are in bed the living room is sort of picked up and Brad is on the floor putting together a toy with a hundred parts the boys got from Joan. Not quite the 1st Christmas with kids that we envisioned the last number of years. But I think there will be visions of sugarplums dancing tonight.

A very Happy New Year to you, and thank you for your prayers and support - Brad, Kodi, Isaiah, and Sam

On the Precipice

I learned this past weekend a very important lesson. When sitting in the front seat of the car and you hear the word yuck, followed by "here" do not automatically stick your hand behind you to receive blindly whatever is being offered to you. Sam was eating some fruit gummy bears and one most have tasted like grape because I got a handful of sticky wet gummy bears and no where to put them. I just started laughing because, really what was I thinking! Why he stuck all of them in his mouth at once I'm not sure but he definitely didn't like them.

Brad and I have really been thinking about the whole change that is getting ready to happen. We stand at the precipice of two very different lives. We clearly see the quite married life that we have come to enjoy and relish, and we see the life of a family of four. The family life is what we've wanted for so long, but we feel really comfortable with just the two of us. When the boys are around there is no us, there is just noise, energy and unrest. When we think about the boys here we are excited to help them, but we have to just trust that the acting out and disquiet won't be a permanent way of life. It would almost be easier if we hadn't had such a quiet, wonderful, and fulfilling life as a married couple. It's hard to describe how difficult this whole process has immediately become. We find that we are in mourning for the loss of so much, from freedom, to quiet, to not getting to start from scratch (child birth and blank slates). We have to come to the point where we are fine with all of the chaos that accompanies the boys, their past, the unknown, the acting out and the unbalanced parents.

Please pray for us these next two weeks. We are reaching out to people that can be good resources for us and trying to learn as much as we can about developmental delays caused by neglect. Brad is concerned about the change and my concern is are we really ready to do this and invest all of this change in our lives for two boys that we might not get to see grow up. But I guess that is the life of a parent, there are no guarantees and a whole lot of unknowns. I do appreciate the fact that I now know not to reach for the unknown if it's preceded by "yuck" and "here".

Everything is Sticky

So one weekend with the boys and everything is sticky! What is it about little boys that makes even surfaces they were no where near sticky. How is that possible?

Anyway, 1st weekend was a little rocky. They are really testing us and that was no fun. Saturday night after they were both in bed Brad and I talked and looked at each other and wondered what we go ourselves into. We were recaping the day and decided there most be something rewarding about parenthood otherwise the world would be full of people with only one child. There must be something to it that people would want to have more than one! I was scared that things would always be as crazy as they were on Saturday. Luckily Sunday went better, a little better. Overall, we set some good boundries and reinforced some rules.

Thursday we met their mom and that was interesting. She really wants the boys back and is working really hard to make that happen. The way I see things, she will have to move several mountains to make it happen, however, either way it is going to be a long process. After we met their mom they had a visit with her and we picked them up after. That was the 1st time we did that- it was very hard for all of us. The boys were wound up because of the sugary snacks she brought for them and the lack of structure. We finally got them to settle down and after we took them to a very fun place for dinner and Brad went to work and I had the kids overnight by myself, things went fairly well.

Tonight I picked the boys up after school and survived actually unloading groceries from the car, feeding them, making a Partylite call and getting them to bed all while Brad was at work. Really felt like a big accomplishment but I have a new respect for single parents, I don't know how they keep it together as much as the do. But why oh why is everything sticky?