Name Surreal

So far the fall has been good to us at the Morton house. We went to the pumpkin patch a week ago and everyone picked pumpkins. The boys determined the bigger the better. Since this was their 1st pumpkin experience we decided to indulge them. I said if they could lift it they could have it. We had lots of fun riding the wagon out and petting the animals at the attached petting farm. Brad and the boys carved the 20+lb pumpkins with great delight this weekend.

Isaiah's school work is going well. He's in gymnastics this fall with a class of just 2 other 7 year old boys and he is getting really good! He's doing hand stands, they don't quite look right yet but he's getting the idea and he's doing back pull overs, almost by himself. As his strength increases he is enjoying seeing what else he is capable of doing -climbing the walls (yikes) and lifting himself up with just the strength of his arms on chairs, tables and anything else that will hold his weight.

Sam is working on words and we're really happy with the speech teacher he has this semester. She is really working with him and we're noticing a daily difference in pronunciation and willingness to learn words. He points at something and says "name" we tell him and he repeats it, usually not to bad. Sam also is having a fit with tags on anything, clothes, sheets, rugs you name it. If it has a tag, as far as he's concerned, it has a fault, so the tags must be abolished. Cute for now but if he doesn't grow out of this phase he'll possibly drive us nuts.

We met with the case workers recently to go over where we are with this case. I was disappointed with the lack of answers. Everything takes a long time and it all depends on other people, timing, and issues. For the planner in me it is frustrating. Probably the most frustrating part is the fact that nothing can be planned except that things take longer than seems necessary.

Right now life seems surreal. We've known the boys almost a year. When we look back over this year we've had a lot of challenges and a lot of triumphs. We don't know what the future holds (but we know who holds the future). It's hard to think about the boys ever not living with us, but the reality is that as a foster parent you have to hope that the best happens for the children and know that what you think is best is not always what the courts think is best.

As we enter this fall season we ask that our friends and family pray for our strength, for wisdom for the powers that be and for the boys to have memories that they can take into this unknown future. That they will have memories of love, teaching moments, spiritual heritage and a (possibly brief) time of two parents that love them unconditionally and want the absolute best future for them.

ps. I hope to actually have pictures to share soon.

Sum Sum Summertime

So we had a pretty good 1st summer together. Isaiah enjoyed doing different activities with the "kid's club" and Sam had fun with his friends too. They had regular visits with their mom. She's been given some extra time to meet the requirements for reunification visits because she's met the initial basic requirements set out. We pray that the Lord continues in this process, we know that whatever happens will be heart breaking for someone, we all love these kids so much.

We went to St. Louis for a Partylite conference and Brad and the boys went exploring every day. I'm continually amazed how well the boys really do in the car, even for long rides. Brad and I are very grateful that no one gets car sick, and we don't hear "are we there yet?". This is very great for a long trip. I put some books and toys in the back seat and then have little toys or snacks in the front seat the hand back every two hours or so. Isaiah came to ask at every rest stop if mom had another surprise for them. It really was pretty fun to shop for little things. Brad took the boys to the zoo in St. Louis and they were ready to go pretty quickly, so it was a little discouraging that he still had 3 more days to find things to do that they would enjoy. We found the "Magic House" in St. Louis and that was mostly a hands on children's museum and they all LOVED it! In fact Brad said if they had more time he'd take them back because they didn't get to see everything and they were there several hours. The next day after my meeting we all packed up and went to the arch. Brad had never been and I hadn't been for years (last time I was in 8th grade). Brad was amazed how big it really was, you really can't appreciate the size till your right next to it. Isaiah took some pictures and Sam liked riding the "train" to the top. It was a very busy Saturday and my claustrophobia and timidity of high spaces really kicked in and I just stood close to the middle end of the hallway up top and tried to breath so the boys and Brad could get some good pictures and enjoy the view. I was glad when we were back at the bottom and could get something cold to drink. But we all had a nice time in spite of me almost freaking out :).

Earlier in July, Bliss, my sister gave birth to Cadence and as his name suggests he already has perfect timing. My folks were on their way up to Madison to visit us for the July 4th weekend and before they had even reached Chicago they got a call the not only had the baby not waited till his July 8th due date he was coming today! Mom and dad turned off in Chicago and headed to Green Bay instead and I took the boys up the next day on the 4th to see Cadence, Bliss and Chad. It was great fun and the boys did so well with the baby, it turned out to be a good thing because within two weeks we found out that their mom is expecting. So it's nice that Cadence could give us an easy baby -pre and post birth to talk about and answer questions for the boys.

Cadence brought Bliss and mom and dad down to visit a couple of weeks ago and at 7 weeks he's already been swimming 3 times, he's my type of kid! Speaking of swimming, the boys and I have been swimming as much as possible this summer. So there are MANY boxes still packed. It's hard to want to unpack the boxes anyway but when you add a beautiful summer day and a swimming pool that is NEVER overcrowded that's within walking distance....well, let's just say that maybe this fall it will look more like we've finally unpacked. But if the boys can give me a reasonable excuse....I doubt those boxes will ever get unpacked.

Brad's job is going well, we have been blessed with an ever changing schedule. Seems the Lord is teaching us how to go with the flow. I've learned thru this whole parenting experience that timing changes significantly with kids. There is NO hurry up, NOTHING takes a couple of seconds to do (except perhaps a huge mess that stops everything) and even when everything goes exactly as planned and you get out the door early, it's probably because you forgot to do something.

Since the move we have noticed that things are calming down. We're using positive reinforcement with the boys that seems to be making a difference. So we enter next week, the first week of school with much hope and prayer.

Summer Time and the livin is busy

We finally closed on the condo, thank the Lord!! The boys seem to be excited about the move so far. We've been painting like crazy for the last week. I bought the boys a battery operated train set so every time we go to the condo to paint they can build and rebuild the train tracks.

They've been active with day care so far everyday. You can't even believe how far Isaiah's class has been walking on a regular basis. He's gaining quite an appetite and we're glad to see that. The other day some of the kids at day care had scooters for one of the outings. Since he didn't have a scooter to take he decided to run and the teacher said that Isaiah kept up with the scooter kids the whole way! He is very fast, now if we could only get his brain to keep up we'd be in business.

We're planning on being in our new condo within a week and it won't be a minute too soon. Luckily the condo is just 4 blocks from the apartment so we can drive home and put the boys right to bed at 9 or so. Brad is working nights right now, and for the foreseeable future so it will be nice when we're all moved and don't have to spend all our time getting things ready. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of things that still need to be done. But I have to just trust that things will happen we just need to keep plugging away.

Sam is starting with a summer speech person in a couple of weeks. I'm glad for that because he's had days when he's really slid backward with the language. His language is really garbled and many people feel like they can understand some of what he is saying and when they talk to him I can tell he is just giving up and say uh-hu to them hoping they'll just move on.

Please pray for us as we continue this journey. It's really a lot of challenges surrounded by 3 minutes of hope followed by 2 days of despair. Maybe not quite despair but certainly exasperation.

School's out for Summer

So it's been awhile since the last entry. A week or so after the last entry we had placed an offer on a condo, it was accepted and I planned on writing as soon as we had everything in order to share the great news. I waited, and waited and waited, it got so long at one point people were asking us if we were still doing the blog. Well, unfortunately God's timing is not our timing.



As we sit now we are in the final stretch of getting the financing arranged. The market has completely fallen out of favor with people in our situation (not much money saved and not the best credit in the last 7 seven years). So I decided to write before the summer gets too far underway.



We are all settling in, finally, as a family. Brad's work scheduled has changed 3 or more times in the last 6 weeks. Even more if you count the rumors and false starts for different shift changes. But it is still a good job, and he can't say he's getting bored with the same old routine.



Isaiah came home with a very promising report card and has been assigned a 1st grade teacher. Providing we get the condo his school will change but we've already talked to his speech teacher and current principal and they were both very positive about the new school. I think with a little hard work this summer that perhaps Isaiah won't have to be in any special classes this fall. He'll have to start in them but hopefully he'll be able to "test out" of them. His behavior still seems to be our biggest stumbling block but we have decided to use some medication to help his impulse control. With a little old fashioned tough love and some honest loving feedback we are seeing him make better choices sooner. (no one likes to go to bed before their little brother)



Sam is progressing nicely, we still have so far to go but we are hopeful for the future. He is trying hard to talk, and we still believe that he thinks he's being more clear than he is. He loves Thomas the Tank engine and knows all the names, he's happy to tell you which is which and will correct you if you say the wrong name. Most of his words are garbled, you have to know context for most things but progress is progress. We can't figure out, however, why the name "Thomas" comes out 'Ippy', we even say T-om- is, and he repeats T-m then says "Ippy". It's all very matter of fact and I don't think he hears the difference.



The other day he and Brad were out getting groceries, Brad let Sam have the pen and shopping list, I was on the phone with Brad at the time and he said, "Sam just wrote his name!" I don't know if Brad wrote it 1st and Sam copied it but we've known for awhile that Sam recognizes his name but this was a shocker! Brad had him do it again at home and sure enough I looked at it and it was clearly S-a-m. I told Brad we should forget trying to get him to speak and just teach him to spell!!



We are working on reading with Isaiah and he is excited about the idea of understanding more of his world, especially, the rules for online games that I won't sit and read him. I talked to his reading teacher and she gave me a list of where he should be for 1st grade and he's really right on target, in fact, if I may sound like a proud mom, I think we'll get beyond that this summer. Summer goal for Sam is potty training. It seems that he's more in the mode for it. I figure one week with grandma (either one) and he should be set, unless someone else would like to volunteer for the job.



The boys caseworker will be changing this summer, theirs is taking another job. So please pray that a new caseworker will speed things along and not have to start over for some bizarre reason. I just finished reading the book "Hope's Boy" by Andrew Bridge. He was in the foster care system in California from the age of 6 (Isaiah's current age) and "aged out" of foster care, after high school he went on to graduate from Harvard Law school. I had hoped it would be a book of redemption, rather it was a story of a young man that was in a holding pattern his entire childhood. How sad that he couldn't find the positives in such a negative story, his foster parents even had a pool for goodness sakes. This wasn't a kid that lived in a cage his entire childhood.



My prayer is that Sam and Isaiah don't grow up and look back at their time with us as just a childhood of waiting. We both want the boys to look back and have happy memories, like Brad and I do of our childhood, of growing up with a brother (or sister) and having fun, silly, goofy times just being a kid.



We start the summer with hope and faith that the Lord will continue to direct our paths and

March -we hardly knew ye.

So the last we had written things were settling down. Well, that was a bit premature. No sooner had the words left the computer then the turbulence began. Because happy pictures make for better picture frames I didn't bother sharing any pictures (none were taken) of the chaos that insued.

March was a flurring of doctors visits, intakes, evaluations and "yeah I see your problem" comments. No one came out and said, 'yes we can fix it'.

We feel a little overwhelmed with all the upcoming visits with Doctors and other professionals. We are meeting this week on Wednesday with our current and new case workers. Our current caseworker has a full load and doesn't usually work with young children cases so we are switching to someone that works with our age boys. Then Thursday we meet with the boys caseworker and a therapist to talk about family therapy and where the boys case is and, possibly, where it is headed.


Of course we would like things to move along more smoothly but under the circumstances I guess we've got about as smooth a case as we can hope for. We've certainly heard horror stories. We continue to ask for your prayers.

Easter weekend with my folks was eye opening for all I think. I'm glad that mom and dad got to see the boys in their rougher moments. I know they got to see me in my rougher moments. (sorry again for the meltdown)
Spring break went pretty well, the boys went to day care (kids club) all day and Isaiah had a blast carrying his cold lunch all week. You've never seen a kid so happy to have cold ham sandwiches everyday for 5 days.

Sam went through 2 weeks of a terrible cold complete with HIGH fever. In fact one night his fever got to 102.9 and Brad woke me up. We started pulling out all of our resources. Had it not been for the internet and a very nice nurse on the phone I think we would
have started calling anyone of you for input. The nurse talked Brad through some other symptoms and we determined a trip to the emergancy room wasn't neccesary.
** We did have our first really huge new parent moment. The nurse reminded us that light loose clothes and a cool room with a sheet would help things along. So we uncovered him from the huge blanket he was under, took his socks off, changed him out of the fleece full body one piece, turned down the smoldering heat in his room and took off his tin foil hat. (ok he wasn't wearing a hat) Looking back on it at the time we were practically broasting the kid in his bed! What first time parents we are. So I'm being a little funny, I mean we've had some really cold nights, and when Brad is sick he gets the chills but still, it was a rookie mistake.

So the highlights of this month were Madison hit an all time high of 102" of snow. For those of you keeping track at home that is since December 1st (our first full weekend with the boys) to now we have survived inside a 860 square foot apartment with 4 people and a cat that has grown weary of all the commotion. We did manage to find a babysitter the week of Brad's birthday for 2 hours so we could go out to eat. She even said she'd do it again. Brad and I had our 1st overnight without the boys, had a nice time but would have liked a little longer together time. Isaiah is having more and more better days at school and even started this week off with 4 (out of 4) smiley faces both Monday and Tuesday. Sam is adding more words to his vocabulary and even said his 1st sentence yesterday -"I got apple". Wow, so March maybe did come in like a lion for us, perhaps that proverbial lamb is a little louder than we'd expect but you've got to look for progress in the small things.

We are so grateful for the thoughts, emails and prayers that are said on our behalf. It is wonderful to know that even from miles away we are still surrounded by prayer.

Finally Settling Down...a bit

Six weeks then you should have smooth sailing...that is what the previous foster mom to the boys said. Well it has been 8 weeks and we are just starting to seem glimmers of normal. Or at least closer to it. Of course things get hectic around our house from time to time, and most of the time they are managable. It is just at the end of the day you really feel like you have been thru the wringer.

Our house is still trying to settle into a routine as it has not been too long since my schedule changed, my regular schedule is now Friday, Saturday and Sunday 12 hour shifts 4pm to 4am.
This week I am working some extra days, both Monday and Thursday nights. So not a lot of relaxation this week. Kodi has had a challenge trying to feel like she gets any real time off since she has to care for the boys by herself on the weekends. Yesterday was her day off and she went shopping (got some nice Lane Bryant clothes...thank you Momma Santa) and treated herself to a movie. I was sleeping and was glad for it as it had been a bit challenging at work Monday night. We met with some friends from the Madison Nazarene Church, Bruce & Karen Mitten last night for dinner. Went to a pizza place called Rocky Rococo's. They have several locations around town but we had not been to this one. Turns out this place is a pseudo Chuckie Cheese with a theatre room and Arcade area...luckily no rides or tubes...we would still be there. Kodi and I thought this was just another pizza place like Fazoli's or pizza Hut. We were overwhelmed and the kids were at frenzy level 8.5...of course it was loud and of course there just had to be a corporate family party in progress and luckily finishing up as we were ready to eat. But looking for a table for 6 was a bit challenging.

Boys are doing okay...Isaiah still has to be reminded to Listen (and do what we say) and obey the rules, but he is getting better at calming himself down and making better choices. I think he is learning that Brad and Kodi can not be bought with whinning and tears and that his control tactics from his past are not nearly as effective at our house. He still has to have time outs now and then, but they are less frequent and we are getting more happy, let's just live our life moments than we were several weeks ago. Even school is going better for him as far as behavior. We are still dealing with grief and emotional issues and are setting up counseling for him/the family. We are cautiously optimistic.

Sam is going thru a phase right now where he feels he can get what he wants if he just stands in one place protesting his displeasure with passive refusal. Guess what kid...that just does not work. More times than not he simply does not want to stop playing with his toys for things like potty time, getting dressed, eating or bed time. He absolutely loves his Thomas train set and plays with it or looks at pictures of Thomas trains all the time.

We have several doctors appts set up for Sam. Hearing test and cognitive development evaluation are set in place to rule out any issues other than just neglect for his lack of speech. He is making progress, He likes quoting certain lines of movies...especially the "Shark bait, Ooo Ahh Ahh" from Finding Nemo which in Sammy language comes our "Ar Ait, Uhh Ahh Ahh". He loves when I say it along with him in a very deep voice...he laughs everytime I do it. He even was singing his version of "I'm a little teapot" last night in the car. He tries to mimic words and even sentences that the rest of us in the family are saying. He knows that talking is how we communicate, he just does not have enough words to do it very well yet...and he gets frustrated with it. Lack of front teeth is not helping his cause. His teacher is thinking of adding an extra day for his school week of early childhood development. So that he would go mornings Tue-Fri...all of us think he really could use it.

So for now we are okay. Not really the peaceful Leave-it-to Beaver home that I had hoped for...but we are making strides. I will say this every moment is intersting!

Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. Love to all...Brad

Pictures to Share

Here are some pictures that Isaiah and I took. He took the picture of Sam, which I thought was a neat picture. If I could harness the energy into the lens I think he'd take some awesome pictures.





Here is Isaiah with his new camera, notice the "boots" he's wearing.






I couldn't resist taking a picture of the boys in there "santa boots".





Isaiah and I during a brief moment of enjoyment.





Brad took the boys last weekend to a fun event at the Overture center. On Saturday's during the winter they offer free family friendly entertainment.

Hope you are enjoying the posts. Stay in touch.

Check Your Emotional Baggage Please

We had a breakthrough last night with Isaiah. From the time Kodi picked him up from his after school program through dinner and afterwards when we were watching TV, Isaiah had been on the verge of a timeout for several reasons. He wasn't doing anything terrible...he just wasn't doing anything well, either. He has the attention span of a dragonfly on fire at times. When he ramps up into this type of mode he just doesn't stand still and even it he pauses for a moment his hands are usually in mid air ready for the next thing and they are even trembling with energy, as if he is trying to decide which direction he should reign down his terror next.

Finally, I had had enough and recapped all the crazy behaviors he had shown that night and that I thought he needed a one minute time out so he could calm down. He at first was, of course, not too excited about taking a timeout for any length of time. But I said it had to happen and he then followed me back to the rocking chair in their bedroom. He sat down just fine and I went to the kitchen to get the timer. When I went back into the bedroom to check on him, he was sitting where I had left him but could tell by the look on his face that he was not really happy. I asked if he was okay...he said no and burst into tears. I knelt down beside his chair, put my arm around him and asked if he was mad at Brad and Kodi. He said no. I asked if he was sad...he said yes, he was. When I asked what he was sad about he said, "his mom". At that point I held him close and said it was okay to be sad about missing mom. I reassured him that his mom loves him and also misses him. I held him for a moment more and told him that anytime he needs to talk to Brad and Kodi about being sad or missing mom that he can always do so.

It makes sense that the "acting up" is his way of not knowing how to deal with what he is feeling. Kodi and I are trying to help him identify the emotions he has and assist him with how to deal with them. We are asking the social workers for a referral for family counseling to help the boys with their transition and for Kodi and I to better know how to deal with the chaos we have at the moment. I have always felt in my heart that Kodi and I would be okay parents, and indeed with the day to day general care we are doing fine. I think we both were hoping for a cozy and more or less peaceful home where two happy boys would be sharing their toys back and forth while our cat snoozes peacefully on the chair by the fireplace while Kodi and I sit and enjoy reading our books while listening to smooth jazz melodies in the background. Okay, okay...I know I'm a dreamer and that we don't even have a fireplace. Life may not always be exactly what we wish it could be. At this point Kodi and I are just hoping to catch our breath for a moment. We know this transition is going to take some time, but we are also trying to be proactive to make changes and improvements as soon as we can so we can move forward rather than just spinning our wheels.

Thanks to all for your love and support.
-Brad

Peas should be square!

I have decided that if the vegetable growers of America want more families to eat veggies than peas should be square and corn niblets should be the size of an average fork. I came to this realization as I was under the table the other night after dinner. As I was ridding the carpet of as many veggies that I could, I thought of the old adage "motherhood is a thankless job". If that is true than foster motherhood is where thankless daughters must suffer under the table. If I haven't said it recently- thanks mom!

We have had a pretty rocky 1st couple of weeks. This week all school schedules are ironed out and hopefully next week all bus schedules will be up and running. I waited to sign Isaiah up for the bus so he could get his footing a little with the new school. Next week I'm hoping to have him on the bus in the morning with Sam and then they'll ride the bus to Isaiah's school and then Sam will stay on the bus to go to his own school.

I met with Isaiah's teacher yesterday and would you believe it she's originally from Ft. Wayne! The Lord's hand is more evident in Isaiah being in her class but that is a discussion for another blog. She is a strong woman with lots of resolve to help Isaiah overcome his anger and acting out and get him the knowledge he so desperately needs. She is having the same issues at school that we are having at home with the testing and she really gives us a lot of credit for signing up for this task.

Sam is having problems going to preschool, I think that will change eventually but for now when I have to drop him off I have to be sure to allow extra time. Last Thursday I dropped him off and had to drag him out of the car, wrap my arms around him and heave him to the curb. I sat him down to change my hold and he ran away from me into the street toward the car! I was panicked and stopped (thanks mom) and didn't chase after him. Being that the car was parked on a very quiet street and he wasn't in traffic I tried to coax him back to the sidewalk as I walked quickly towards him and grabbed him with all my might and got him back to the sidewalk kicking and screaming. Luckily one of his teachers saw us, or perhaps heard us, and was able to come out and pick him up from me and take him in. I was an emotional mess and the preschool director came down to me and gave me a hug and said, "it's ok mom, sometimes they do that, you're doing good." Well, I don't have to tell you I pretty much lost it and after gaining composure I thanked her and then headed to work. Whew, not my day, after about an hour I got a call at work from the preschool, "Sam is doing great and we just wanted to let you know." That dirty rotten turkey, here I had worried myself that we were making a bad decision and he was perfectly fine. Well, just goes to show that you have to have the resolve and the backbone to follow thru (thanks mom).

We are seeing glimpses of success but they are few and far between at the moment. Sam has added one word to his vocabulary this week -apple! I heard him and had him repeat it for Brad and we both were bursting with pride. Of course Sam kind of gave us a look like, 'you guys know what it's called what's the big deal?' Regardless, we are happy that he is making a least a small step forward. I'm sure the Isaiah will make even more progress as he gets settled in to the routine and we work with some extra help to give him language to explain his feelings instead of pounding on the table when he has to take a time out.

Please keep us in your prayers and if I've neglected to tell you this, Happy Birthday x 4 people, Happy Anniversary x2 people and we love you and miss you everyone!