Check Your Emotional Baggage Please

We had a breakthrough last night with Isaiah. From the time Kodi picked him up from his after school program through dinner and afterwards when we were watching TV, Isaiah had been on the verge of a timeout for several reasons. He wasn't doing anything terrible...he just wasn't doing anything well, either. He has the attention span of a dragonfly on fire at times. When he ramps up into this type of mode he just doesn't stand still and even it he pauses for a moment his hands are usually in mid air ready for the next thing and they are even trembling with energy, as if he is trying to decide which direction he should reign down his terror next.

Finally, I had had enough and recapped all the crazy behaviors he had shown that night and that I thought he needed a one minute time out so he could calm down. He at first was, of course, not too excited about taking a timeout for any length of time. But I said it had to happen and he then followed me back to the rocking chair in their bedroom. He sat down just fine and I went to the kitchen to get the timer. When I went back into the bedroom to check on him, he was sitting where I had left him but could tell by the look on his face that he was not really happy. I asked if he was okay...he said no and burst into tears. I knelt down beside his chair, put my arm around him and asked if he was mad at Brad and Kodi. He said no. I asked if he was sad...he said yes, he was. When I asked what he was sad about he said, "his mom". At that point I held him close and said it was okay to be sad about missing mom. I reassured him that his mom loves him and also misses him. I held him for a moment more and told him that anytime he needs to talk to Brad and Kodi about being sad or missing mom that he can always do so.

It makes sense that the "acting up" is his way of not knowing how to deal with what he is feeling. Kodi and I are trying to help him identify the emotions he has and assist him with how to deal with them. We are asking the social workers for a referral for family counseling to help the boys with their transition and for Kodi and I to better know how to deal with the chaos we have at the moment. I have always felt in my heart that Kodi and I would be okay parents, and indeed with the day to day general care we are doing fine. I think we both were hoping for a cozy and more or less peaceful home where two happy boys would be sharing their toys back and forth while our cat snoozes peacefully on the chair by the fireplace while Kodi and I sit and enjoy reading our books while listening to smooth jazz melodies in the background. Okay, okay...I know I'm a dreamer and that we don't even have a fireplace. Life may not always be exactly what we wish it could be. At this point Kodi and I are just hoping to catch our breath for a moment. We know this transition is going to take some time, but we are also trying to be proactive to make changes and improvements as soon as we can so we can move forward rather than just spinning our wheels.

Thanks to all for your love and support.
-Brad